Dear Andy, Joe and Kyle,
While I will not be at Bobby’s service I will be thinking
about him and about the loss that you are experiencing. I pray you will find some peace in knowing
that his pain and suffering is over even though it is sad that he is no longer
with you.
Your dad was a bright spot in my childhood. He was 14 years older than me and back then
14 years seemed like a lot (even though it is not really much today.) I was always
trying to spy on him and his friends –Kenny Cole, Dave Kidwell, Ronnie and
Jerry Ray. I watched him walk back and forth to the barn where the guys were
always working on cars. Sometimes I
tried to peek in on them through the closed doors or over the fender of a
car. They would chase me away saying it
was too dangerous for a little girl. I
had already figured out that it was the language and the beer that were not appropriate
for a little girl and he didn’t want me to tattle on anything I heard. One time I followed him to the baseball
diamond and he said I could sit with him.
I still have the scar on my arm where he pulled me up the side rather
than have me walk up the normal way. I
scraped my forearm on the end of a board but I didn’t want to make a big deal
about it or he would have made me go home.
I remember his red car and how loud it was. Occasionally my mom would holler at him to “cut
that out,” when he was just sitting outside the barn revving the engine. It was exciting to go watch him drag race and
to hear my dad brag on how good Bobby was at the lights. It was clear that he loved it and we all
loved watching him.
I remember when he brought Brutus, the St. Bernard puppy
home. What a ball of fur. Bobby loved
that big slobbery beast. I think the way
that he treated Brutus and our German Shephard, Bo was a window into his big
heart. They both looked forward to his
affection and playfulness. One day he
noticed that my new puppy, Frosty and I were sitting on the porch crying. We had been kicked out of the house because
Frosty peed on the carpet. Bobby tried
to convince me to come over to his house, but I knew I would be in more trouble
if I left. So, he sat on the porch with
me until I stopped crying and could laugh again.
I remember several years when Bobby took a whole car load of
friends to Canada with him in the summer.
They would be hoopin’ and hollering on the dock or in the bay –driving
the boats fast and riding through the wake.
They also tried to ski with marginal success. One year, the lower dock was partially
submerged and they were skiing off of it as a starting pad. I watched from the top of the path and
laughed. I wanted so much to be a part
of the group because they knew how to have fun.
Bobby always had a group of friends around him and I understand that
several remained his friends for life.
That is a wonderful tribute to who he was as a person to have maintained
those relationships for a lifetime. Sometimes
friends are “family of choice.”
When Donna came into our family, she brought several gifts
with her. She had a smile so big it
almost made her eyes disappear and a genuine down-to-earth warmth. The other gift she brought was Andy. Bobby seemed to fall in love with Andy as he
fell in love with Donna. I was so
excited to be in their wedding. More
excitement followed with the birth of Joe and Clinton. I never did get used to calling him Will, but
I understand what it is like to choose the name you want to be called. Shortly after I announced I was pregnant for
Audra, my first baby, Donna announced that she too would be having a baby that
year. Even though she was pregnant with
her own child she arranged to have a whole box of baby things sent to me in
Memphis. It was to take the place of the
baby shower she would have had for me if I were closer. In the box was a hobby horse that Bobby made
himself out of stained wood with a red vinyl saddle. I didn’t even know Bobby did wood
working! All of my kids rode that horse
and I cherished both the gift and the effort it took to make it and ship
it.
Donna continued to write to me as I tried to stay connected
while living in other states. She always
signed her letters “the apple dumpling gang.”
I wish I had saved those letters that meant a lot to me at the time. I am sure it would mean even more to the three
of you to hear the stories she shared about your lives on the farm, and in
school. I am sure you all have your
favorite stories. Bobby could tell some
stories! I was grateful that Donna was
able to write some of them. My favorite
might be turning road-kill into a ground meat sandwich spread which Bobby
delighted in letting co-workers steal. I
guess they didn’t steal his lunch after that.
I can’t believe Donna went along with cooking and preparing it.
It is hard to maintain relationships across the miles and
through the years. The challenges of
navigating disagreements and disappointments is no easy feat in any family. We all have them and really in the end, I
wonder if we don’t all question the value of holding on to the bad while
letting the good slip through our fingers.
Our family is not short on stubbornness.
I guess it must be in our DNA. I
remember so many good things about both of your parents. I wish a preponderance of good memories for the
three of you!
Tell the stories and share the memories, good and bad. The shared experiences, including the loss of
your parents can bring you closer if you let it. I heard wonderful things about how you cared
for him. Thank you for giving him such a
loving ending. There is much love in sorrow for without love
there would be no sorrow.
Blessings to you,
Shari
